So I havent been on here in, geez, a month or so? I guess I’ve been feeling ashamed. Basically, I began to get frustrated with my lack of results. I felt like I tried my hardest for 2 months and lost literally nothing. I went and had my doctors appointment, and my doctor wasn’t very helpful. However, for some reason she literally doubled my dose of metformin. I haven’t noticed much of a different - But I have been eating pretty crappy lately and havent gained a pound. I also havent been going to the gym like at ALL. Especially compared to how often I was going before. So maybe this means the metformin is helping? And the combination of me eating better again and working out will make my weight loss jump again?
I did some deep soul searching recently, and figured out a lot of the reasons why Ive been so discouraged and so willing to just quit, on so many parts of my life. Im excited because I know things are about to change. Im going to change them - Gods going to give me the strength and the opportunities, I just know it. Its funny how everything can feel so… light, so different, when literally nothing happened but a conversation between myself and God.
So heres my new motivation:
1. Glorify GOD with my body - I mean this is every sense. From what I put into my mouth, to what comes out. I want to be a healthy, godly women.
2. In the past I have wanted to be sexy, just like any other girl I think, but I have been doing it for the wrong reasons. I wanted to have guys on the street notice me, stare at me, want me. Now I realize the only person I want to be sexy for is my future husband. I want to take care of my body as an act of love for him. Because honestly, when you are married, it IS his in a way, because we are one. I mean, Lord willing I will be the only naked chick he ever sees, sooo I wanna look AWESOME for him! I know I am not married now, but honestly I think me and Ross will be getting engaged soon. Part of me isnt sure if this is just me being set on something, or if the Lord has really started to prepare me for marriage. We are going to pre-engagment counsoling though. And honestly, I know there are a lot of flaws with Ross, but everyone is a sinner. The way he loves me, and the way his heart really always comes back to God, is beautiful. I really think in so many ways I could never find a more loving man. He is my best friend, and I know he will make me smile on the hardest of days, and I think I can do the same for him. What more could I ask for out of a marriage? The more I think about us getting married, the more his flaws dont seem so big.. Because when youre dating every flaw is like “OMG should I break up with him?” This mentality has allowed me to just love him for who is he and stop stressing. Im still scared this excitement about engagement and wedding planning and FINALLY moving out are maybe forgetting who I’d be doing it with… AH sorry random rant. But ANYWAYS - that is a new motivation/conviction. Be healthy for my future other half, whoever that maybe
3. Like I said about, I might get engaged soon. And on my wedding day, or even in my engagement photos, I want to look like ME, not caught behind a big wall of fat. I will hate myself if I look back on my wedding pictures and all I can see is how overweight I was. I will hate myself for having to wear a dress I hate because of my size. I simply cannot do it.
So whats my plan? To be honest, Im not 100% sure, hahaha. I made Ross this silly notebook to quit smoking. Just to vent and keep track of things. I think I might make one for myself. I think it might help. I want it to be a place where I can just encourage myself and remember why Im doing this. I know the biggest part of changing my life is spending time getting back what I have been losing with God. In a way, I feel like Ive really been given all this time lately (yay unemployment haha) to get back to whats important with him. I really think once things start getting better with him that he will lead me to the right job. Until then though, money is gonna be tight. Im gonna try my best to make sure I have decent food though. Im still gonna try to go along the lines of the first two weeks of the south beach diet like my doctor recommended. Its gonna be frustrating in its lack of varity, but she said I will definitely see results and I believe her. It sounds terrible haha to just repeate those two weeks over and over again. Im sure eventually I can add some things back…
Alright well - just thought Id let share where Im at! Im not sure how often I will be posting on here. It might be discouraging really to see everyone on here losing so much weight so quickly. I tend to compare too much. But we’ll see! <3